|
 |
Free NLP Articles Recent Posts to Our NLP Blog |
|
|
|
|
 Warning: I am able to write to the configuration file: /home/mkkkwfhy/public_html/includes/configure.php. This is a potential security risk - please set the right user permissions on this file. |
| Excerpts from Help with Negative Self-Talk, volume 1 by Steve Andreas |
|
|
|
Contents Introduction pp. iv-x
1 Changing Location Discover how changing the location of a negative voice is quicker, easier, and usually has more impact on your feelings than changing the unpleasant words that the voice says. pp. 1-15
2 Changing Tempo and Tonality Changing the tonality and tempo of a voice can also quickly change the impact of a nasty internal voice without changing the words. You’ll find guides and examples. pp. 16-31
3 Adding Music or a Song Learn how you can use Internal music to easily and powerfully change the impact of your negative self-talk. pp. 32-37
4 Talking to Yourself Positively Learn several specific ways to talk to yourself in a positive and useful way. pp. 32-37
5 Adding a Voice Adding in a positive voice can balance and neutralize your response to what a critical voice says. pp. 38-54
6 Auditory Perspective Discover how adding in a chorus of four positive voices can make a negative voice seem inconsequential. pp. 53-59
7 Starting the Day Learn how to start the day with positive self-talk, so that you are fully prepared for later difficulties or challenges. pp. 60-66
8 Overgeneralizations, Evaluations, and Presuppositions Learn how to identify the hidden traps in what a negative voice often says, and use them to your advantage. pp. 67-74
9 Negative Messages and Positive Outcomes Discover how to use what a negative voice says to develop a positive outcome to go toward. pp. 75-81
10 Asking Questions Learn many other aspects of language that can either be difficult and puzzling traps or foundations for development and growth. pp. 82-89
Closing pp. 90
More NLP Resources pp. 92
Appendix: What is NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) pp. 94
About the Author pp. 102
References pp. 104
Index pp. 106
Excerpt from Chapter 4, Talking to Yourself Positively
A Happy World
The interesting instruction that follows was posted about a year ago on an email newsgroup by Vikas Dikshit, an NLP-trained educator and trainer in Pune, India:
About 18 months ago a young woman asked me for help for her depression. She was visiting a psychiatrist and had been taking some medicine for depression for the preceding few months.
I suggested to her that she look around and mentally say to herself, “I am sitting on this happy chair. There is this happy table. And these are happy windows with happy curtains.” I made her do this for about ten minutes. I suggested she do this every day for about ten or fifteen minutes.
After fifteen days she called to say that she was feeling great now. After about two months she visited the psychiatrist and he stopped her medicine. She continues to call occasionally, and reports that she still feels great. The most recent one was when she was in my town about ten days ago.
About a year after this email, Vikas writes that his client still feels great, and that he has used the same method—or variations of it—successfully with a number of other clients. Although this method sounds far too simple to have any effect, it employs some very subtle aspects of language.
Since all the sentences are about the world, not the person, there is no conflict between saying that something in the world is happy when the person is not feeling happy. An unhappy person can still talk about happy curtains. This is very different from the “I am happy” affirmation, which will contradict someone’s present state if they are unhappy.
This process directs your attention to things around you in the present moment, just as any useful meditation does. Since you have limited attention, this will simultaneously withdraw your attention from whatever, you have been attending to that was making you unhappy, including any negative self-talk that has been going on in your mind.
The word “happy” is a trigger for that state, so using it tends to elicit happy feelings, no matter what it describes, even a chair or a table. When I describe the curtains as “happy,” that connects happiness with the curtains—and with everything else around me that I describe with the word “happy.” After that, each time I look at the curtains—and the other things around me—I will think of the word “happy,” and that will tend to elicit that happy feeling. If everything around me is labeled in this way, I will soon be surrounded by things that are now associated with the word “happy,” and elicit that feeling state.
There is usually a correspondence or equivalence between someone’s internal state and what they perceive around them. A happy person lives in a happy world, and a sad person lives in a sad world. A sad person tends to notice sad events around them, while a happy person tends to notice the happy things. Vikas’ method uses this equivalence in the reverse direction to bring about a change in mood. Noticing happy things implies feeling happy.
You need to be very cautious if you include other people in your happy observations, and notice what kind of response it elicits in you, because that may create a contrast that is not helpful. If I notice a happy child, that may make me feel happy, because I am not a child—just as I am not a chair or curtain. But if I notice other adults being happy, that contrast with my present state may deepen my unhappiness. If others around me are happy, when I am unhappy, that can make my unhappiness even worse. So it is much safer to not include other people at all—or even children or animals—and just use inanimate objects.
Another way of thinking about this method is that it is an example of the hypnotic language pattern called “Selectional restriction.” Since a window can’t be happy, your mind will unconsciously attempt to make meaning out of the word “happy” by applying it to something else. If you are alone, you are the only other available possibility, and even if you are with others, you are still a possibility. All this processing will occur completely unconsciously, so it can’t be countered by your conscious thinking.
Of course despite all this wonderful understanding, this process can be completely nullified if someone uses a voice tone that is sarcastic, scornful, or dismissive, as we explored in chapter 2. But if you use a tone that is ordinary, simply reporting your experience “objectively,” or one that includes even a little bit of pleasure, it will work. Whether you do this with yourself, or with someone else, you can notice the tonality, and change it if it does not support the method.
You can also use this method with any other useful adjective, such as “calm” or “peaceful” for someone who is too easily agitated, “loving” for someone who feels angry, or “balanced” or “centered” for someone who feels scattered or chaotic. Simply identify the problem mood, think of its opposite, and then select an adjective that expresses this opposite mood to put in the place of “happy.”
For instance, if someone is often fearful or anxious, the opposite of that is safe, and they can use this word to describe the world around them. “I see the safe chair,” “Those are safe curtains,” “This is a safe computer,” etc.
Be sure that you choose an opposite experience, not something in the mid-range of a continuum. For instance, if you are often critical and rejecting, the opposite of that would be being welcoming or loving, not accepting, which is too neutral.
Try this now. Think of an unpleasant state that you sometimes slip into. . . .
Then think of its opposite, a positive state that you would like to have in its place. . . .
Then use this word to describe the things around you, either internally, or out loud. Continue to do this for several minutes, and notice how it changes your response. . . .
Click to purchase Volume 1 of this downloadable 89 page eBook for only $15:
...or order both volumes together for $30 only $25! Save $5, no shipping costs, and no waiting—download them immediately!
Excerpt from Chapter 5, Adding a Voice
In previous chapters, you have learned how to change nonverbal aspects of the direction, location, volume, tonality and tempo of a troublesome voice in order to reduce its impact on you. You have also learned how to add music or a song to a voice in order to change your response, and in the previous chapter you have experimented with several ways to talk to yourself that are useful.
Now we can begin to use some of these methods in combination to make a useful change. For instance, once you have reduced the volume of a troublesome voice, you can then replace it with a more resourceful and supportive voice without creating significant conflict. The following example is from Ron Soderquist, a hypnotherapist in the Los Angeles area:
A middle-aged woman called to say she wanted her husband to come in for hypnosis to change his attitude. “I am sick and tired of his negative attitude.” I was amused, and asked her to have him call me. She was right. When Bill came in for an appointment he said, “I grew up in a very negative, unhappy family. There were no ‘Atta boys’ in our family; there was only criticism. It was a rare day when Dad or Mom laughed or showed happiness. They were unhappy with their marriage.” He went on, “My wife complains that I come home from work grumbling and complaining. She says I’m just like my parents, and she’s probably right, but I can’t seem to help myself. I don’t see how you can help me change. I don’t like being so angry with the kids, and I don’t like having an unhappy wife. If you can help me change, great.”
After some questioning, Bill identified his parents’ negative voices in his head. I asked if he could imagine a room in his head with the voices coming from a radio or some device over by the wall. He was able to imagine a radio. Then I wondered whether he would like to go over and turn down the volume, or perhaps put a pillow in front of the radio to muffle the sound. As he did this, he gave a big sigh, and visibly relaxed. “What’s going on?” I asked.
“My head is quiet for the first time ever,” Bill said. I told him, “Since it’s your head, you can put in anything you want. For example, because you are thankful for your family and your health, you can fill that room with your own thankful voice, if you wish.” To his surprise Bill discovered he could do that quite easily. We rehearsed him in reviewing his thankful thoughts while driving home from work, so that he could greet his wife and children with joyful energy. After some rehearsal, he felt confident he had installed new voices in his head. Bill’s wife called later to report she was enjoying a new, positive Bill; he had changed his attitude.
Ron Soderquist, http://www.westlakehypnosis.com/
I think it is pretty amazing that you can change a pervasive, life-long negative attitude in a few minutes, just by changing an internal voice—and without extensive therapeutic time-traveling back to the traumatic origin of his voices.
However, I want you to think about what would have happened if Bill hadn’t reduced the volume of his negative self-talk before adding in a resourceful and supportive voice. If there were two loud voices in his head, they would conflict with each other, setting up an internal battle. Most people already have a lot of internal conflict; it is not something that they need more of.
Click to purchase Volume 1 of this downloadable 89 page eBook for only $15:
...or order both volumes together for $30 only $25! Save $5, no shipping costs, and no waiting—download them immediately!
Excerpt from Chapter 7, Starting the Day
Some people bounce out of bed in the morning, eager to start the day, while others struggle to slowly drag themselves out of bed. The way you start the day is likely to set the pace for the rest of your day. If you start out eager and animated, it will be much easier to maintain that state, despite any difficulties that may occur later. But if you start the day discouraged, or in some other unpleasant mood, then you will have to work yourself out of that state in order to feel better, which is usually much more difficult.
What often makes the difference is what you first say to yourself as you emerge from sleep. You may awaken in response to an alarm clock, or in response to light, or to the sounds of others in the house getting up. As you begin to emerge from sleep, and sense the world around you, what are the first words in your mind? What is the first thing that you said to yourself this morning? . . .
How about yesterday morning? . . .
Now check several other recent mornings. What did you say then, and how did it set a tone for the rest of the day? . . .
Now notice all the tonal qualities of that internal voice—the tone, volume, tempo, hesitations, etc. . . .
If you said something like, “Ohmigod, I have to go to work today,” in a discouraging tone, you probably had to work hard to get out of bed and get going, and that attitude is likely to persist during the rest of the day.
On the other hand, if you said something like, “Wow, which of my projects do I get to do first?” in an excited tone, then getting out of bed was probably very easy, and it would take a really unpleasant event to change your positive attitude.
If you would like to change how you talk to yourself in the morning, there are five simple steps:
1. Desired outcome First, think about how you want to start out your day, and then what you would say to yourself and what tone and tempo of voice you would use to support that. . . .
2. Identify cues Next notice what you will see, hear, or feel as you first begin to wake up, and then say your sentence to yourself. . . .
3. Check for objections Notice any objections or feelings of concern that you might have about doing this. . . .
4. Satisfy objections If you have any objections, identify any problems with either the words that you chose, or the tonality and tempo that you chose. Then adjust what you say to yourself, or how you say it (or both) until any objections or concerns are satisfied. When all aspects of you are satisfied with it, it will be something that you are congruent about wanting, and it should occur spontaneously and dependably. . . .
5. Rehearse and test Imagine waking up in the future in order to test what you have done. Experience what it will be like tomorrow morning, when you first begin to realize that you are waking up, and notice what happens. . . .
If your morning sentence occurs automatically, you are done. If it doesn’t, you may need to rehearse it several more times just as you begin to wake up to make it automatic, or you might have to back up a few steps and adjust what you say to yourself or the tonality that you use.
Click to purchase Volume 1 of this downloadable 89 page eBook for only $15:
...or order both volumes together for $30 only $25! Save $5, no shipping costs, and no waiting—download them immediately!
Review by Michael Perez
The review copy of Steve Andreas’ new book, Help With Negative Self-Talk just popped up in my inbox. I’m going to start out with my only criticism of the book, and frankly, criticism is too strong a word. More like quibble. It seems to me that this is in fact two books with two different audiences. I’ll call these “book Self” and “book Other.”
In “book Self,” Steve lays out a very simple, step-by-step and easy to follow path for allowing just about anyone who needs help with negative self-talk to change their experience. Rich in explanations and follow-along exercises, these are a no-brainer for just about any functional human being.
And, frankly, I’ll be surprised if those self-help readers get more than halfway through the book! By then, they will have probably changed their experience so much for the better that I don’t know if they’ll feel the need to continue!
Given that the title is Help with Negative Self-Talk, I think that’s a wonderful and reasonable expectation that one might have of a book like this. It’s a book that an individual can use to trade in negative self-talk for some really useful and constructive self-talk instead.
But the book isn’t just “book Self.” The book is also “book Other,” a thorough and well-documented examination of different techniques that NLPers can use with others in order to change their self-talk. There are numerous and detailed examples of many different interventions laid out in a very thorough way, complete with significant regard to ecology checks—something I all too often find missing in books like these.
What’s more, Steve works to be encyclopedic in the way that he documents successful self-talk amelioration strategies from multiple sources. This is not Steve Andreas’ Guide to Self-Talk. There are a number of detailed contributions from people like Andy Austin, Nick Kemp, Michael Yapko and others. Steve provides a cogent analysis of their contributions in the context of the frame he creates.
(As an aside, this is a great illustration of what can happen when one breaks out of the “camp” mentality and talks to anyone who’s doing good work, as Steve does. As a result, there are loads of new material in this book, not just another tired rehash of techniques from 20 or 30 years ago. There’s some useful material on the subject I’ve come across over the years, but that’s almost entirely behind partisan lines these days, I’m afraid. How I’d love for NLP to become more like other fields where information flows more freely.)
To sum up, “book Other” is a treasure trove for the professional change worker. So, In a way, I would’ve loved for this to have been made into two books. A somewhat edited version for the individual and the version in its present form for coaches, therapists and all sorts of other change workers.
Having said that, I think it’s a only a quibble, because even the therapeutic material is presented in a manner that is both clear and entertaining enough to hold the interest of the nonprofessional reader.
Another point I’d like to make is that, despite what some might infer from the title, the book (thankfully) is not just focused on remedial change work. Steve discusses distinctions of excellence with regard to self-talk. So this book is of particular interest to those who would like to be more successful in the things that they do in their lives. It’s not just about what you shouldn’t tell yourself; it presents clear strategies for what you can tell yourself instead, to increase both your enjoyment of life and your ability to function smoothly and easily.
If this were 1973, I could see this book being published under the title (Almost) Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Self-Talk (but were afraid to ask). I can’t recommend the book highly enough, and I eagerly await Volume 2.
Click to purchase Volume 1 of this downloadable 89 page eBook for only $15:
...or order both volumes together for $30 only $25! Save $5, no shipping costs, and no waiting—download them immediately!
About the Author
Steve Andreas was introduced to NLP in 1977, and was one of the first small group of people to be certified as NLP practitioner, master practitioner, and trainer in 1979, along with his partner, Connirae. He and Connirae co-edited four of the early classic Bandler/Grinder books, Frogs into Princes, Trance-formations, Reframing, and Using Your Brain—for a CHANGE. Steve and Connirae together wrote Heart of the Mind, and Change Your Mind—and Keep the Change. Steve has also written Virginia Satir: the patterns of her magic, modeling how Satir used NLP principles in her work with families, and Transforming Your Self: becoming who you want to be, modeling the structure of self-concept and how to change it quickly and easily.
His most recent two-volume book, Six Blind Elephants: understanding ourselves and each other, again demonstrates that he continues to be one of the foremost thinkers advancing the development of the field. This book presents a “unified field theory” of NLP and personal change, based on the well-researched field of cognitive linguistics. This book shows how all the different methods of change work—whether described as NLP or not—can be understood as resulting from changing one or more of three fundamental process variables:
1. The scope of sensory-based experience that we attend to,
2. The way we categorize that scope of experience, and
3. The logical level of the categorization.
In addition to his books, Steve has published numerous articles on NLP-related topics in various publications including the Psychotherapy Networker, (formerly the Family Therapy Networker) and the Milton H. Erickson Foundation Newsletter. He has also produced over 50 DVD and CD demonstrations of NLP patterns. He continues to model and write about new NLP patterns and understandings at his home in the foothills of the rocky mountains near Boulder, Colorado.
Steve earned a BS in Chemistry from Caltech in 1957, and an MA in psychology from Brandeis University in 1961. He taught psychology and social science at a junior college in California from 1962-1970, and did Gestalt Therapy from 1967-1977. He edited Fritz Perls’ Gestalt Therapy Verbatim and In and Out the Garbage Pail, and wrote Awareness: exploring, experimenting, experiencing—all under his previous name, John O. Stevens, which he changed in 1981 when he married Connirae Andreas, and took her last name.
Steve maintains a blog at: http://realpeoplepress.com/blog/ and a web site with many free articles at http://www.steveandreas.com/
Many of Steve’s NLP products can be found at Real People Press:
http://www.realpeoplepress.com/
Many other NLP products can be found at NLP Comprehensive:
http://www.nlpco.com/
Click to purchase Volume 1 of this downloadable 89 page eBook for only $15:
...or order both volumes together for $30 only $25! Save $5, no shipping costs, and no waiting—download them immediately!
|
|
|
|
